Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
