So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
