somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
they're like a gay fantastic four
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
