I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I need to stop coming to work sober
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
