How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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