My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
