my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
