A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
