I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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