Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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