I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize