From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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