It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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