Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
