Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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