genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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