I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
