Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
