So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
FUCK WHALES
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
