Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
