I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
