sorry about calling you the devil all night.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
