I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you would pick up someone in the library
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
