The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize