Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
