my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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