I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We had to coat check the pizza.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
