The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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