are you still at the devil's house?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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