The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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