'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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