Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
