Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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