You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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