it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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