just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
