I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
