to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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