Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
