Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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