were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
