Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
