At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
