I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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