we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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