Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
