Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize