If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
