I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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