I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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