We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
