hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
