so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize