So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
