standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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