I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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