Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
