pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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