he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
