you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
