Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
