drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
