I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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