Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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