I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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