Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
