I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
