News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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