There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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