She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
