It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
